Against the Grain
by jasperose
Summary: Saving someone isn't as painless as he makes it out to be. BxJ


Against the Grain

"Come on, Bella!" Jake cries, revving his engine in encouragement. My head snaps up as I take in the scene before me: Jake, straddling his motorbike, an excited grin on his face and anxiety in his eyes. Alice, standing just outside the cafeteria, her nostrils flared and her eyes widened in fury. Me, still standing stupidly on the sidewalk, my mouth slightly ajar.

I snap my mouth shut and turn quickly to Mike. "I got sick and went home, okay?" I plead.

Mike frowns, sending a glare Jake's way, before responding. "Fine," he mutters grudgingly, looking at the sidewalk.

"Thanks, Mike!" I cry, pecking him on the cheek and hustling over to where Jake was waiting anxiously. I don't bother to look back, instead sending an apologetic glance in Alice's general direction before leaping onto the back of the bike and wrapping my arms tightly around Jacob's warm waist.

Jacob hits the accelerator and pealed out, leaving a slick black skid in his wake. The engine roars beneath us, sending us flying down the quiet streets of Forks towards La Push.

Jake doesn't slow, instead pushing the bike faster and faster. I shut my eyes tight and tuck my face into his warm back, just below his shoulder blade. My arms tighten around his waist as I feel the wind whip viciously at my hair.

I feel Jake straighten up as the bike slows slightly, and his whoop of victory makes me raise my head. We were past the boundary. A broad grin stretches across my face as I realize the escape attempt has worked.

"Nice, Jake!" I shout enthusiastically, squeezing his waist in a congratulatory high-speed hug. His booming laugh is his elated reply as he slows even more and shoots me a grin. My grin.

"Keep your eyes on the road, maniac!" I urge, tightening my hold. He just smirks as he comes to a neat stop outside his house. He climbs gracefully off the bike, his limbs moving in a way that makes me extremely envious.

I swing my leg over the seat and attempt to slide tidily off, but, as usual, my foot gets caught on the handle bars and I stumble off, my face headed straight for the ground. Big, warm hands shoot out quickly, ensnaring me around the waist and pulling me upright and away from danger. I sigh and twist in his arms.

"Thanks," I mumble. Jacob laughs.

"Don't mention it," he tells me, pulling me closer to him. "That was a beautifully crafted escape attempt, if I do say so myself."

I roll my eyes. "Very professionally executed," I agree. "What do you want to do?" My stomach flutters with excitement at the prospect of this stolen freedom. Jake's Bella could make a long-awaited appearance.

"Whatever you want," he replies. His face is split in two by a smug, excited smile. Jake looks down at me and raises his eyebrows in question.

I purse my lips. "Well, we could…go down to the beach?" I supply. Jacob smiles and nods his shaggy head.

"Yes we could. Come on, Bells!" he sings, tugging my hand and pulling me towards the beach.

I had missed this place. When I was in La Push, I was free to be younger, not as responsible. I didn't have to be as careful with Jake. I could breathe again.

"I've missed you."

His soft voice breaks the amiable silence that had previously been between us. I turn my head in his direction, glancing up at his face. He's chewing on his bottom lip.

"I've missed you too, Jake," I tell him honestly. The weeks we hadn't spoken had felt ridiculously long. Without Jake, everything felt…colder.

"Well, of course you have," he replies, smiling teasingly at me. "I'm incredibly good-looking, not to mention extraordinarily fun and humourous."

I smirk and roll my eyes. "You forgot alarmingly egotistical," I tell him. He scoffs and pushes my head away with his hand.

"You talk crazy," he informs me.

"I speak the truth, my friend." He laughs and drapes his long arm across my shoulders, tugging me into his side. I don't resist.

"Will they be mad?" he asks, looking at me with his brow slightly furrowed. I sigh.

"Yeah. I'm probably gonna be in trouble when I go back," I confess, frowning.

Jake considers me for a moment. "Don't go back, then," he suggests, his lips turning up slightly at the corners.

"That sounds tempting," I allow, "but I've got to. Charlie's helpless in the kitchen."

Jacob chuckles, but his laughter is interrupted by a huge yawn. I hadn't noticed before, but Jacob looks exhausted.

"Jake, when was the last time you slept? You look dog-tired," I scold, staring at the dark circles under his eyes.

"Oh, ha ha, Bella," he says dryly. I look at him in confusion before I realize what I had said.

"Oh! Jake, you know what I meant."

He smils. "I know, I know."

I frown. "You still haven't answered my question, Jacob." He must've heard the concern in my voice, because the smile became warmer and he gently pulls me tighter against him.

"It doesn't matter; the ginger bloodsucker is still out there, so I'm still out there," he says with a shrug of his massive shoulders.

"Oh, Jake," I groan. "Don't be an idiot! You have to sleep."

He rolls his eyes at my tone. "I'll sleep when Little Red Riding Hood is gone. Deal?"

"No, there is not a deal! I have a new plan for today: you sleep. Deal?" I counter, staring at him. I've stopped walking, and he's forced to stop as well.

"No way, Bells. I'm not gonna waste your day of freedom by sleeping."

"You're so stubborn! Please, Jacob? I don't like to see you so out of it," I plead, my expression softening.

Jacob sighs deeply, shutting his eyes. It takes him a while to reopen them. "Fine. We could watch tv or something…" he reluctantly agrees.

"Good. Come on, let's go," I tug on his hand, wrapping my fingers through his. I see him glance down at them, and a smile lights up his face. I can't help but smile, too.

We walk slowly back to his little house, our hands still intertwined. I can't get over how _hot _his skin is. A few times, I stumble and trip over the loose rocks that line the beach, but Jacob is always there to catch me, to reinforce my footing to make sure I won't fall again.

His little house comes into view, and I think I hear him sigh in relief, though I can't be sure. I look over at him, and I'm shocked to see just how tired he looks. There are dark circles under his eyes, and his eyelids droop over his eyes. His mouth is bracketed by lines that scream exhaustion, and his steps are dragging slightly.

When we get to the door, I reach forward and turn the handle, tugging him inside and shutting it quietly. He heads straight for the sofa and flops into it, resting his head against the back cushions. I follow him and sit beside him. He drapes his arm across my shoulders again and settles into the cushions, reaching for the remote.

He flicks the tv to a music channel and sighs tiredly. I look at him, and echo his sigh.

"Go to sleep, Jake. I don't mind," I tell him, reaching up to brush his shaggy hair from his tired eyes.

"Sure, sure," he replies, yawning again. I smile softly and rest my head on his shoulder. The soft bass of Coldplay trickles from the tv, filling the room with quiet music. Jacob blinks slowly, and it seems he forgot to complete the motion. Slowly, his face relaxes as he slips into sleep.

Jake looks so much younger when the responsibilities and stress disappear from his face. It's almost as if my Jacob is back, before all the werewolf business had happened; back when our friendship was as natural as breathing.

I sigh softly and watch as every responsibility, every worry, every anxiety falls from his face, to be replaced by a childlike peacefulness I hadn't seen in so long.

And though I had lost the Jacob I once had, I hadn't lost the friend I loved. He was there, under the bitter mask, just waiting for a moment where nothing else matters, where none of the prejudice or anger got in the way of being my best friend.

As I watch Jacob sleep, my mind wanders. I think of the first time I came to Jacob, the bikes in the back of my truck and shaky hope in my eyes. He had been there when I was completely broken. He had been there when I thought I'd never be a real person again. And not only was he there, but he was the one to put me back together again. He had saved me. Not once, but a thousand times over.

He had breathed air back into my lifeless lungs. He had placed bones gently back into the empty sockets they had abandoned. He had allowed the blood to flow back into my dried veins, to seep back into my broken heart and make it beat again. He had saved me.

And what had I done for him? I had hurt him time and time again. Jacob deserved none of that. He deserved someone who would love him, someone who would save him like he'd saved me.

His steady breathing, the slight rise and fall of his chest, is perfectly in time with my own breathing. I gaze at his unlined face, free of the bitter mask I have come to despise, and my breathing falls out of step.

If I were to lean up, to press my lips against his…if I were to taste the skin, the lips, of my own personal sun, feel the emanating heat against my lips…

Jacob sighs softly and his head rolls over, so we're face to face, resting against the back of the couch. I inhale sharply.

Jacob deserves more than I could give. I couldn't give him all of me, because Edward would always hold a piece. It didn't matter what path I chose; I would lose a part of me in the process. So the question was, who held the bigger part of me? Which part would it hurt too much to lose?

I'd already lost Edward once. I know that pain was tenfold to anything I had been expecting. But I had lost Jacob too, once. And his words had cut me just as deep as Edward's departure.

I take a deep breath. Jacob had saved me time and time again. Edward…had broken me.

Slowly, I reach my neck up and raise my hand to lightly brush his hair off of his face. My breathing is so out of step from the constant pattern Jacob has set. It's not even following a pattern anymore. I lean in slowly and brush my hesitant lips with his, hoping to save him like he's saved me.

His lips are so soft and warm. I don't know why I was expecting them to be cold and unyielding. Jacob isn't Edward.

_Suddenly, his warm lips are moving against mine. My eyes fly open, and his do too._

_"B-Bella…?" he whispers, his voice thick with sleep and confusion._

_I smile shyly at him. "Sorry to wake you," I whisper, our faces so close my breath tickles his lips in a soft caress. _

_He grins in a confused sort of way. "D-don't apologise," he tells me, shaking his head in disbelief. "Please don't apologise…"_

_I laugh quietly and look down at my hands in my lap. Jacob shifts slightly beside me. I look up and to the side, and find him watching me intently._

_"I have a question," he informs me, his browns furrowed in wonderment. I reach up and try to smooth out the wrinkle between his eyes with my finger._

_"Alright," I say, dropping my hand and looking him in the eyes._

_"What…was that?" he whispers, staring at me like I've given him the stars and the moon._

_"That…was…that was me making a choice," I tell him, holding his gaze. His mouth drops open and he blinks six times before shutting it._

_"What?" he asks, completely blind-sided. I smile at him, at his confusion._

_"I…I choose you, Jake," I tell him shyly, biting my lip and picking at my thumbnail. I hear his breathing, which was slowly going back to normal, become uneven again._

_"What?" he repeats, disbelieving. "But what…what about your bloodsucker?" His dark eyes are penetrating._

_I look up at him, and his confused expression makes me laugh softly, nervously. "Jacob, I choose you. What more do you want?" I reach for his large hand, intertwining my fingers with his. He stares down at them, and a grin slowly starts to spread across his lips._

_"You…choose…me."_

_He looks back up at me, and there is wild excitement in his eyes. He laughs out loud before throwing his long arms around me and crushing me to him._

_"You have no idea how happy that makes me!" he cries, pressing his cheek to my hair. I smile hugely, pleased I could give him a fraction of the love he's given me._

_"Believe me, Jake, I think I may have a pretty good idea," I tell him, my smile evident in my voice._

_He pulls back and stares directly into my eyes. It feels as if he's trying to see directly into my soul. I hope he likes what he sees._

_I see the resolve form in his eyes as he gazes at me. He slowly leans down to press his lips against mine. I gasp, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer to me. He grins into my mouth and wraps his arms around me, one of his hot hands pressing into the small of my back, the other tangling in my hair. I open my mouth to him and feel him explore, his unbounded joy evident in his kiss. My fingers play with the ends of his hair, but when he nibbles lightly on my bottom lip, my fists clench tightly and I pull him even closer to me._

_Everywhere I can feel is completely Jacob; his heat is my heat, his joy is my joy, and it's all I can do to keep from losing myself completely in everything he is. _

_I feel feverish; my lips move frantically against his, and it's still not enough. My body presses against his, curving into him, and it's still not enough. His arms encircle me, engulf me, and still, I want more. _

_He reluctantly pulls away, his eyes still closed. A goofy grin is plastered on his face._

_I groan and open my eyes, frowning. _

_He opens his eyes and chuckles at the expression on my face. "Wow," he murmurs, then blushes. "I mean…"_

_"Wow?" I offer. Jacob grins and nods his approval._

_"Yeah…" He reaches up and gently strokes my cheek. "Wow…"_

_I smile and lean into his touch, rejoicing in the happiness that's rolling off of him in waves. He deserves it all._

I pull away slowly, sighing heavily. My hand brushes his hair back once more, lingering against his hot skin as his chest rises and falls rhythmically in his deep slumber.

He deserves it all.

And I can't give it to him.

* * *

_harro. so, what do you think? yay, team switzerland...  
review?_


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